Lets focus on the guy: Kyle. He is obsessed with appearances. Makes fun of people who are considered ugly. Beauty meant everything to him. Then it all changes for him, when he has a curse put on him that makes his outward appearance mimic that of his inward self. It wasn't pretty. He had scars, gashes, lumps, and markings all over his body. People were shocked at his appearance and he was locked away to remain out of public site.
What if that happened to me? What if my physically appearance mimicked that of my actually personality and who I really am? How many scars would I have across my face? What kind of markings would be etched across my skin? I worry that I'd be ugly. Truly ugly.
Confession: Growing up I struggled with the way I looked. I've always had weight problems and I was never the prettiest girl. I always took the backseat and watched as my gorgeous friends could wear bikinis and short shorts while all the guys craved to date them. I never got to enjoy any of those luxuries. Instead I wore over sized clothes and tried to act like a tomboy. I was insecure, to say the least. Appearance meant so much to me, probably because I never looked the way i wanted. Before I even hit Middle School I was curious how to lose weight and look prettier. As I got older, I tried diet after diet, and different hairstyles. Doctors told me I was overweight. Mom always encouraged me to exercise and eat right. The first time I remember her saying "I'm proud" is when I lost weight after going on a weight loss program through UK. I don't blame mom...she understood what it was like to be "big boned" and overweight. I tried so many things....
It never worked.
For some reason I have always been surrounded by beautiful people. Guys and girls. Friends I've made in college and brought back home have often time asked me, "What is in the water to breed such beautiful people" and I just smile. I watched as almost every single guy I liked, end up liking and dating one of my good friends. Almost every single one.
So I became obsessed with appearance. I surrounded myself with people who were pretty and were deemed the "cool people" although, I never really fit that description. I was never the first person anyone called to do anything with. More like the last. I accepted it... even though I hated it. If people acted or looked funny, I wouldn't give them the time of day because I didn't want people to think I was associated with them. I wanted to spend my time with the popular people. I coveted the looks and bodies of half my high school. I poked fun if someone looked strange or just weren't very cute. Why? Because I was insecure and hated how I looked.
I even see myself doing that now, sometimes. Don't get me wrong, I've grown to accept who i am little by little everyday and I've made some pretty large improvements. God made me the way I am for a reason. I don't have the body of a runway model. I actually have to workout 6000 times a day and eat only a piece of lettuce to lose only .5 a pound. But you know what? I am beautiful. Because GOD made me. And he only makes beautiful things. I was not a mistake, and like I said before, he made me special. So don't get me wrong...it would be really great to look the way I want but that isn't who God made. And, on top of that...God doesn't care what I look like on the outside. It only matters what my heart shows.
1 Samuel 16:7
But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."
1 Peter 3:3-4
Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.
1 Timothy 4:8
Physical exercise has some value, but spiritual exercise is much more important, for it promises a reward in both this life and the next.
So, if God focuses on my heart...what does it look like? As I said before, I'm scared it looks ugly. My motives seem to be unpure in most things. I am selfish and self conscious - but very self unaware. I worry about myself, but don't really realize what that comes across as.
Challenge: Stop looking at the outward things. Know a person as who they are, now what they look like. I want to be like Lindy, the girl in the movie. She saw past all the ugliness. She got to know the person. As the end credits rolled, I realized that's what I want. I want to see who people are, to take time to peel back the layers to find out the person Christ sees...not what I see. and lastly, to love myself a little more. Guys might look at me more if I were super skinny, but who cares? God has the perfect person for me and we will see each other for who we are, and nothing more or less. Bodies change overtime. Beauty fades. My heart and soul will be here long after my body changes and those are the only 2 things that matter.
--On a small side note. There was a song sung at church today that has really hit my heart. I feel like it is talking about me - and i'm sure many others will relate. So go to this link, and check it out. It is highly worth it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jVScvSBsm40
I love you all. God loves you more than I ever could. Never forget he's on your side :)
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